Like every other millennial I had high hopes from Tinder. I was bored and single and I wanted nothing more than a simple date with a normal nice guy or a girl who would know the difference between “You’re” and “Your”. Basic requirements.
God, how hard it is to differentiate between that? I had no high expectations, nor was I interested in bumping uglies with someone.
But anyways, I swiped, right, left, matched, unmatched etc etc. I came down to 5 guys and now I had to narrow it down to only 1 candidate.
I had this brilliant plan of inviting them all to the same location and contest my own “Bachelor in Paradise” (you gotta try it out ladies!)
But despite my amazing plan, I had to resort to simple texts and eliminate the ones who were only interested in smashing and bashing.
After a few days of texting and filtering, I landed a somewhat better option and we moved on to exchanging numbers and messaging on WhatsApp. We agreed upon a date and decided to meet up.
I had never been on a date before so naturally I was nervous and excited at the same time. The day of meeting up arrived and he came to pick me up. Since the date was around late afternoon, we didn’t go for lunch, instead we went to the classic India Gate.
Skipping the boring parts where I got to know about how egoistic and narcissist he was and that he was the embodiment of male chauvinism, I would like to tell you the most gross part of that already stupid date.
After plucking grass from the India Gate’s lawns and zoning out multiple times in between, I decided to go back.
I know I might seem like a bad date, but trust me, I tried my best to give my full attention while he told me his diet and gym routine.
We drove back to my locality and he insisted we roam around, so we did do that and we went to some terrace. After asking about my education and future plans, he asked me to dance with him.
Heads up to everyone, if you consider stepping on your partner’s feet dancing then please don’t ask them to dance with you. It was more awkward and painful than getting a no when you ask if McFlurry is available or not.
We awkwardly bumped few times and out of nowhere he kissed me. The alarm in my head had never been so loud. You would think that “this is it, the worst thing ever,” but sorry to say that it wasn’t.
I moved away and sat down and he followed me too. We sat in silence and he asked if he could kiss me once. I was taken aback by his sudden act of asking for consent but nonetheless, I let him. Yeah, I regret it.
Just 20 or 30 seconds into the kiss and I feel something weird on my thighs. I suddenly felt warm and I broke away from the kiss to only look at him jerking himself and ejaculating on me.
I swear I wanted to stab him, but for everyone’s sake, I just shouted at him and cussed him like a sailor and asked him to clean it up.
Whatever happened after that is blurry but I know that I burned those jeans for sure. I never trusted guys after that and swore to never go on dates anymore.
I have had many adventures in life but that unfortunate accident will always haunt me. And funny thing is, that guy recently tried to hook himself up with my bestfriend, knowing full well that I had told her about him.
That audacity and confidence are beyond my imagination. Well I never tried that app again and I am pretty sure I am never going back.
I am sorry if you will not try Tinder after reading this but if you will, I suggest you take napkins and pepper spray with you.
Image Credits:- Google Images
Find Author:- @CherryJimin17