Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely on the basis of the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real. In short, just have a good laugh!
Good evening ladies and gentlemen! Today, in this weekly segment of ED Times, the Fake Friendly Fridays, we have the youth icon Rahul Gandhi with us!
* Rahul Gandhi walks in, in the usual white kurta and starts walking towards the audience smiling and waving at everyone. *
*Sits between two young boys and says—*
RaGa: Mai in hi mein se ek hu. Janata ka pratinidhi hu. Janata ke saath baithunga.
ED: True people’s person indeed. Please join us here Rahul.
*Rahul walks up to the stage and sits on his throne of the evening. At least this seat he gets, even if he doesn’t get the PM’s seat. *
RaGa: Before you begin, I would like to tell the audience, that I am one of them. I am the voice of the youth and the elderly of this country.
*Pauses and looks at the audience. Audience anxiously awaits anymore words of leadership.*
RaGa: (Looks at the interviewer) Please begin my dear country-mate.
ED: Okay, so –
RaGa: Before you begin, Modiji’s deals with Russia for S-400 missile system was over-priced. (frowns). Janata ka paisa hai. No one should waste it. Inki aloo se sona nikalne wali machine toh bani nahi ki jab chahe paisa aega.
ED: I agree. What would you do with the Janata ka paisa Rahul ji?
RaGa: I would… (pauses for about 10 seconds to think) I would turn India into USA. I am reading Bible these days. It will help me understand the American ways.
ED: Umm… (awkward smile)
*Rahul smiles back, confidently*
ED: So Rahul, do you think you will win in the elections in 2019? If yes, how do you aim to do that?
RaGa: Yes. Definitely. There is no doubt about it. Congress has the upper hand! Modi ji has never fulfilled a promise. BJP is just making false promises. Even when I hugged him, he asked me if I payed GST for breakfast in the canteen. Money is all they want!
ED: Any comments on AAP and Kejriwal?
RaGa: Modi ji said –
ED: Kejriwal, Rahul ji, Kejriwal is whom I am asking about. Arvind Kejriwal – the walking Honitus ad.
RaGa: (joins his hands and smiles) When I become PM, I will –
ED: Kejriwal! Talk about Kejriwal please!
RaGa: Why are you being impatient sir? India has become so impatient these days.
ED: (controls anger, takes a deep breath) Let’s talk about the Rafale deal. What do you think about it?
RaGa: I think Indian women can make better things than French people. I support make in India.
ED: But they can’t make a fighter jet, can they?
RaGa: Koshish karne walo ki kabhi haar nahi hoti.
*Exchange of awkward smiles again*
ED: Anything you would like to tell our young Indian audience here?
RaGa: If you think I should be a watchman, I will be one. If you want me to be a teacher, I will be one. If you want me to be PM, I will be one. Please support Congress and make your dreams come true. I will turn India into USA. Jesus and Ram have finally shaken hands. Namaste!
*Overenthusiastic Congress supporter starts cheering and clapping for Rahul. Audience follows with applause*
ED: Thank you Rahul. Your pasta is waiting for you backstage. I see you stick to your cultural roots even in food.
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