Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely on the basis of the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real. In short, just a good laugh!
This week, we have the infamous self-proclaimed god woman, Raadhe Maa engaging in a quaint tête-à-tête with ED’s Nithya Balaji (NB).
NB: Ladies and gentlemen and our esteemed most devout Raadhe Ma followers! Let’s put our hands together and welcome Sukhwindar Singh AKA legendary godwoman Raadhe Maa!
*white smoke stretches across the stage while a giant floating structure is gently lowered down with our esteemed guest nestled inside*
NB (baffled; looks towards the stage manager): I…how…did we have that kind of budget?
*Raadhe Maa takes her designated seat and looks across at the audience*
NB: A very warm welcome, Raadhe Ma…or would you prefer being called by your actual name Sukhwinder?
*She proceeds to wave at the audience who start screaming, either with reverence or with revolt, we might never know*
NB: That…is not…what I asked, but I’m glad we cleared that up. On a completely different topic, you are literally gleaming under this high beam spotlight that I didn’t know we possessed. I might have to borrow those glasses from you just to protect my eyes. *chuckles nervously*
RM: I like to live every day as if it is a festival. Is that so wrong? To turn your life into a celebration?
NB: No no! Of course not! That is actually sound advice. Is there anything else in particular you like to dress up in? A mini skirt, perhaps?
RM: *stares at the interviewee and does not say a word*
NB (hands getting clammy from nervousness): I am not shaming you in any way, Raadhe Maa…
RM (interrupting the interviewee): I didn’t think you were. Should I, though?
NB: No! Because I wasn’t.
RM: *staring turns to glaring*
NB (trying not keep the nausea down): *stares back*
NB (overcompensates for the lack of sound and screams out): OKAY NEXT QUESTION!
RM: *sniffles haughtily and looks away*
NB: This is a question submitted to us by one of our viewers, actually, who would like to know what your favourite emoji is.
RM: Oh that’s easy! It’s the woman in the red dress, dancing.
NB (laughing): Of course it is!
RM: Why is that funny?
NB (stuttering): Oh, you know! Because you…and that video…of you dancing…in a red dress… *voice becomes fainter* You have to admit that you’re quite the topic of controversy, Raadhe Maa. If any random person were to Google your “self-given” name, they would find a page filled with articles reporting on the numerous complaints filed against you.
RM: Lies, I tell you. All lies. I try to help people. I have always only tried to help people. And in return, this is how I’m treated.
NB: What about the obscenity charge also filed against you? You have been known to sit in the laps of strange men and giving them kisses as a religious offering. What do you have to say about that?
RM: What I do and how I do it is part of my style. If you don’t like it, don’t follow me.
NB: Alright, fair enough. Enough of the heavy questions. I have heard you like to dance to Bollywood songs. Which one would you say is your favourite?
RM: Oooooh that song from the movie where the two man-children fight against their obvious homoerotic feelings for each other by fighting over a girl!
NB: …could you elaborate a bit more?
RM: Arre! The movie where Karan Johar projects his sexuality onto Rishi Kapoor!
NB: OH! You mean Student of the Year? Which song…? *gasps as realization dawns on her* Don’t tell me…
RM: HIT IT!
*Radha on the dance floor, Radha likes to party, Radha likes to move that sexy Radha body starts blaring out of the innumerable speakers set up across the stage*
*Raadhe Maa promptly gets up and starts dancing*
*Interviewee sits there watching it all unfold with a shell-shocked expression on her face*
Feature Image credits: Rishabh Patel