When Arijit Singh sang, “Hum Tere Bin Ab Reh Ni Sakte, Tere Bina Kya Wajood Mera,” the entire nation rejoiced over such relatable lyrics and made the song a ‘lover’s anthem’.
Bollywood movies have undoubtedly redefined the idea of love as ‘co-dependency’, where one partner fails to exists without the other.
It is surprising to see how today’s youth is celebrating movies like Kabir Singh, Rockstar, Ranjhaana, etc. that promote a toxic relationship in the name of unconditional love.
The cinema has a lot of impact on one’s mindset and we become what we see. As most of the Bollywood movies revolve around a love story, the ideology of love conveyed through this medium is alarming.
What Do We Need To Realize?
Its high time to realize the fact that relationships are not a fairy tale in the real world. We are often told to be selfless in love and be more of a giver than a taker.
Little realizing, how such a mindset increases toxicity on both ends and makes one co-dependent.
What Is A Co-Dependent Relationship?
According to Shawn Meghan Burn, author of “Unhealthy Helping: A Psychological Guide for Overcoming Codependence, Enabling, and Other Dysfunctional Helping,”
“Codependence is an imbalanced relationship pattern where one partner assumes a high-cost ‘giver-rescuer’ role and the other the ‘taker-victim’ role.”
In simple terms, a co-dependent relationship is where the entire life of the “giver” revolves around pleasing the “taker” at the cost of his/her well-being, self-respect, etc. Such a relationship is not only addictive but also hints at the emotional instability of both the partners involved.
Although the idea of co-dependency sounds brutal, a majority of teens today are victims of the same. The reason why most of the relationships these days are unhealthy is due to the overemotional investment from one side which gets cumbersome to be channelized by the other.
People confuse the idea of love with needy, addictive and controlling emotional attachment where your center of the universe should revolve around the happiness of your partner.
Such an ideology not only seeks attention and validation but also results in apathy once the relationship fails.
Where Does This Originate From?
It is reported that the mindset of a co-dependent partner develops as a result of some childhood trauma or emotional abuse.
Children who were neglected by their parents, felt less loved or bullied are more likely to enter into such relationships as adults.
Burn Says, “If you learned that the only way to connect with a difficult parent was to subordinate your own needs and cater to theirs, then you may be set up for similar relationships throughout your life.”
She further explains the differences in the behavior of such imbalanced partners stating-
“One can over-internalize religious or cultural values that prescribe self-sacrifice for others. Being the giver in a codependent relationship can also satisfy needs such as the need to matter to someone, they need to feel competent, they need to feel close to someone,” she says.
“As far as takers go, they are sometimes selfish and manipulative, irresponsible and entitled. But some are just troubled or addicted or lacking in life skills.”
How To Check For A Co-dependent Relationship?
- Feeling a constant need to stay close to your partner and please them
- Accepting their emotionally distant behavior and forgiving them without a definite resolution
- Fear of losing them always nags you and gives you chills
- Focussing more on dependency than progress in the relationship
- No matter whatever you do, it’s never enough
Aftermath Of Co-Dependency
Getting out of a co-dependent relationship is even tougher than staying in the same. Co-dependency is addictive and self-destructive.
Imagine, giving everything to a person, putting all your efforts into a relationship only to see it crumble down to ashes. You got it right.
Putting all your eggs in one basket only to lose it later is a traumatic experience. It is extremely difficult to overcome and drapes you in a lot of mental illnesses.
People getting out of a co-dependent relationship feel hollow and believe they have no identity of their own.
Such individuals feel a constant need for validation and are scared of functioning independently which undoubtedly affects their growth in the long run.
While no two individuals mutually decide to enter in a co-dependent relationship, it is something that happens subconsciously.
We confuse love with toxic behaviors and ignore the red flags. Such a practice bubbles out as an ‘hazardous emotional toll’ later on.
To avoid ourselves from getting into such situations, we must realize that co-dependency isn’t romantic. It is something that is built with a fuse and will surely burn out.
The healthiest thing we can say to our loved ones without sounding needy is that- “I would be okay without you and that’s why I choose to stay.”
Image Credits: Google Images
Sources: Medical News Today, Business Insider
Find The Blogger: @ZehraYameena