Fake Friendly Fridays With Baba Ramdev: Such Simplicity!


ED: Hello everybody… Today we have with us an unique person whom we are not sure how to describe. A Baba? A Booboo? Business Magnet? A Political Enforcer? Well, let us ask him directly. Hello, Baba Ramdev. Welcome to Fake Friendly Fridays.

Baba: Namaste

ED: So Baba, The first thing I would like to ask is, what is your profession? Are you a sanyasi?

Baba: Definitely, that is why I am called Baba, right?

ED: But sanyasis are supposed to be beiraagis, disinterested in worldly affairs and would choose a simple life. Your declared assets amount to over INR 1100 crore. Your business empire Patanjali is flourishing in the production of cosmetics, medicines and even instant food items. You earn by hosting television shows and selling medicines and yoga techniques. How about that, Mr. Ramdev?

Baba: Yes, of course I do earn money, but the money I earn goes to charity purposes, not to build a business. I wear a dhoti not an Armani suit right? I am a Baba living a simple life.

ED: Does simple life mean owning an island in your name in the Atlantic Ocean, running Patanjali Yogpeeth which runs in your name? You receive quite a lot of money via charity and you invest it in business which gets multiplied. How about that? Is that what you call a simple life? How many people do you think can afford the services you provide?

Baba: Arrey Beta…. There are a lot of charities taking care of the poor and the destitute. And frankly I do not like poor people. I was a poor man and my father was a poor man. But I worked hard, established myself as a Baba and became a rich man. And I vowed to God, that I will take care of the rich people. I am the Baba of the rich.

ED: What form of charity are you doing?

Baba: Well, I teach yoga which can help the poor rich obese people to lose weight. I run a desi set of cosmetics and medicines through Patanjali.

ED: Is that not smart business? Why don’t you call yourself a businessman instead of a Baba?

Baba: How would I get the initial investment had I not been a Baba? And it is also about driving the corporates out of India. You know medicine mafia and cosmetic mafia is run by foreign corporates like Unilever? Why should we be still colonies huh? So what I do is, I use Ayurveda for historical accuracy and use the charity money as investment and produce Patanjali products! So it is Desification and Ayurveda in one. It is almost equivalent to the old Independence movement. I am fighting for the independence of our market.

ED: Wow. You are taking over the market and you call that independence. So the money is flowing into your hands? Additionally you get tax exemptions because you are a charity. You got brains, Baba.

Baba: All is God’s grace…

ED: Baba, you said that you despise homosexuals. Why?

Baba: They are against our culture. And how would they make babies? And how would they get dowry, if two boys marry?

ED: But that is so unfair Sir, there are a lot of….

Baba: Anarth…. Shiv Shiv Shiv Shiv….. You youngsters are influenced so much by Western ideas… I don’t want to talk about it.

ED: Okay sir. Another question we would like to ask is how about the Putrakameshti tablet you were selling? And the medicines that cure AIDS?

Baba: Oh…. Look at this. You are a girl and you are asking questions related to ‘that’ topic so shamelessly?

ED: Sir, you mean topics related to sex? I was asking about AIDS medicines, homosexuals….

Baba: SHUT UP! If you got nothing else to ask, you may better leave.

ED: Okay Sir, please calm down. Sir are the products you sell healthy?

Baba: Definitely. They are 100% natural and…

ED: But sir the Patanjali noodles had worms in it and it never got clearance from the FSSAI and your pharmacy was accused of animal cruelty in 2006.

Baba: No, that is a false allegation. It is a conspiracy including the communists and the corporates.

ED: Sir, what about your political stands?

Baba: These politicians and media, they are not fair to us. They come to us to fetch votes but they behave towards us like stepmoms. They doubt our powers. They refuse to be fooled and heir demands are too high. When I take a ladoo from air, they ask me for one month’s ration! How terrible! What will we poor babas do?

ED: Is it not okay if we question you?

Baba: You? Question us? You silly mortals? You fanatics? You westernisers? How dare you doubt my powers? If you ask one more question I am going to curse you to dust. How dare you doubt my powers, and how dare you accuse a Baba? It is a sin to question a Godman like me…. (storms out of the studio)

ED: If Baba’s curse does not work and if I am still alive, see you on another Friday… This is Anna from ED signing off.


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