Fake Friendly Fridays is a section where we pick a famous personality and throw fake questions at him/her and in return, we receive fake answers. Why should you not take it seriously? Because it is fake.
If you still didn’t get it: This is a fake interview written purely on the basis of the author’s imagination of how the actual interview would have been if we got the chance to interview these famous (some, for all the wrong reasons) personalities in real life. In short, just have a good laugh.
ED: Hello everyone, and welcome to this week’s Fake Friendly Fridays with ED Times!
(Audience applauds enthusiastically)
ED: Today, we have with us a guest whom we got on our show with considerable difficulty, since she’s very busy with her new life in the UK (??). Please welcome Ms. Rakhi Sawant!
(Rakhi walks in decked up like a new bahu, complete with chooda and sindoor. She does an elaborate namaste before settling herself on the couch.)
ED: Hello Rakhi, thank you for joining us today.
RS: Waise I don’t have much time today, haan, I need to go back to the UK and cook gajar ka halwa for Karwa Chauth.
ED: Erm… I thought people were supposed to fast on Karwa Chauth?
— awkward silence —
ED: So tell us about your marriage. You normally share every detail of your life online, but have been quite discreet regarding your wedding.
RS: Pata nahi kya bolu, it was so grand! It was all British themed, and even the Queen attended! And there was also my best friend from Bollywood, Ranveer baba…
ED: Erm… Anyway, do tell us about your married life.
RS: Pata hai ji, we had such a whirlwind romance! After breaking up with Deepak Kalal, I was sooo sad. But when I met my husband, I just knew he was the one!
ED: So instead of moving to Los Angeles (where Kalal claims to stay), you moved to the UK.
RS: Haanji. Aur pata hai, the UK is such a scenic place! There are snow-capped mountains outside my window, where I take regular walks.
ED: It usually doesn’t snow at this time of the year, right?
— crickets chirping in the background —
ED: Ahem, moving on. So now that you’re settled in the UK, what are your plans for your Bollywood career?
RS: Oh, jaise Madhuri Dixit ji dono America aur Bollywood ko handle karti hai na, waise main bhi UK aur apna flourishing Bollywood career ko sambhal sakti hoon. Anyways, UK aur Bollywood paas mein toh hai!
ED: Really? I thought it was several hours by flight.
— strained silence —
ED: OK, we have one last question. What is your response to comments on the Internet that claims the pictures you shared of your new home are actually in Bangalore, and not the UK?
RS: <Disclaimer: We had to censor most of this response, so unfortunately, it is not available.>
And we also had to run away to save ourselves from getting beaten up. So see you all later, if we are able to remain unpunched.
Image Credits: Google Images
Find the author online @samyukthanair_